Why does my back hurt? If we had known how long we would be here we could have paced ourselves better. I have run out of gas on this lap around the sun. Where were you in January/February 1969? Google sometimes reminds me of photos I scanned years ago. Are we in worse shape today? I am writing this so my children will understand why I am what I am. I pray for our reconciliation each day.
In 1968-1969 I was 18, on an adventure having chosen to be a warrior. I had been unsuccessful at public school, sports, and lived in teenage rebellion. I was young, dumb, and lost, prodigal. Much later I discovered my mom’s prayers had sustained me and God gave me many second chances. Today I am so thankful God never gives up. Parents pray for your children! This is written for my children in my efforts to reconcile I want them to know what made me who I was then, just as today I want them to know I am not that person anymore. Since 2021 began I have not been able to walk or live normal; You tube of exercise prior to November 2020,
As of August 2020, my back has been failing, I have not walked on my own since December. After last week’s 4th spine operation failed to stop gradual paralysis we need a neuro doctor as the spine surgeon sez the spine needs more repairs but that is not the source of paralysis. The operation was the first of three the surgeon needs to go in and fix. After four we say no more! Now Five! We had one more for a total of five as of July 2021. We are thankful for the reduced pain and use of arms that are back. We finally have cooperation somewhat from the VA. It took them a month to “Not! give me a needed MRI” We are blessed with great neighbors here to help us. God provides through those He gives us to bless. I deserve the body I have abused and misused all these years, picking up stuff and doing stupid stuff thinking I was 10 ft tall and bulletproof. Psalm 119:75 God has humbled me, showing me what is most important in the “leaves of Grass” fragile body of flesh and dust that we are. We, Jean and I are so thankful that today we are together. We are ready to be poured out in God’s plans and His will for this season of our life. I am comfortable as can be and only in need of your prayers for now. Jean needs your support and prayers as she is under a heavy load caring for me when she should be learning to fish, enjoying her well earned retirement. She does my phone calling to VA, doctors, etc and RN stuff every day. I could not make the day without her. I am thankful we have communications today we did not have in the 70s. We should all be closer not so far apart. We are thankful today I can look at these old pictures and feel relieved that they don’t affect me anymore with nightmares and flashbacks. Back in the day, I tried everything people suggested in our battle with PTSD, depression and effects of the war. When I gave up all my efforts to “Fix” myself, God took over the restoration of our relationship. When our relationship with our creator is restored we are healed beyond measure. When we humbly submitted to King Jesus every thought, action and presence of mind the Grace we are gifted is beyond price. Giving up the chemical solutions of prescription meds, the alcohol solutions that hide the problem and the “Workaholic” solution which worked to fool almost everyone, especially me until events let the snakes out of the box. I forgave myself and forgiveness is freedom. We can not out forgive God. 2 Corinthians 5:17-20 Reconciliation
More later……This is now updated to July 2021. updated to Oct 2021
Started pedalling my trike a few miles each day, real slow we go. Not able to walk, wanting to try kayak, more later. https://youtu.be/BvlCXe5miRk
Cattrike exercise with Dot last winter before operations; https://youtu.be/QIu_5qUZOmU